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UN Assembly called Putin about his view on future of Europe
"First, I will kill one million Ukrainians and the clown" said Putin, Everybody got quiet and then French President Macron asked "why do you want to kill Zelenskiy ?" "Yes, Why Zelenskiy?" , everybody cried. "Ha," laughed Putin, "I knew, nobody cares about Ukrainians"
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter what you call it. It won’t come over anyway.
I broke up with my gf and told her to return all my blood she drank
Strangely she agreed and returns me every month in installments.
What happens when you put a hungry dog under a steak?
It becomes the denom-nom-nominator.
Not sure if this is allowed…
Tell me a joke that begins with: An Asian, a Mexican and a blonde walk into a bar…
Why is it never frustrating to teach mushrooms?
Because even if they don’t have the correct answer, they always have a *fun-guess.* *dad-joke collaboration with a 7-year old*
Inner Peace
If you can start the day without caffeine, If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it, If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time, If you can take criticism and blame without resentment, If you can conquer tension without medical help, If you can relax without alcohol, If you can sleep without the aid of drugs, Then You Are Probably The Family Dog! And you thought I was going to get all spiritual ...
Apparently the Republican party are considering banning coffee...
Part of their war on woke.
I started brewing beer specifically for certain professions. The first two batches were brewed for lumberjacks and bellhops.
A lager and a porter.