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My life

r/Jokes

Sex is like snow;

you never know how many inches you’re going to get or how long it will last.

What did the pirate charge for a corn on the cob?

A buck an ear

I asked my friend if he likes trees one day…

He was like, “well yea?” And I was like, “my dog does too! All he talks about is bark!”

Why was Twitter freaking out about Nelly’s face today?

Nevermind, I realize it was only just a Dream.

That’s it? It took you 2 minutes to cum?

It’s doggystyle so 14 minutes to be precise.

Why does Peter Parker only have eleven months on his calendar?

Because he lost May.

What is the difference between a thug and a police officer?

A government pension

What is Colgate Sensitive supposed to do if Colgate kills 99.9% of germs?

It kills 99.9% of them without hurting their feelings.

How do chickens communicate?

Using fowl language.

I would tell you a joke about indian food,

But most people tell me they would have naan of it.

I’m creating a new cushioned shoe for the street walking prostitutes in my city

I’m calling them Hoekas

I wish people would enunciate more

I really need to know if you want little Caesar’s or little seizures

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