The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
New at better-not-say-it.com: Our hot joke section. Have fun laughing with our sensationally funny jokes:
I have good news and bad news.
The good news is that there are no bad news. The bad news is that there are no good news.
Two guys are stuck in the desert.
Close to death, lying down and waiting for the inevitable. When all of a sudden one says, “Hey Bill, do you smell what I smell? I’m sure it’s bacon!” ‘Yes, Bruce, it smells like bacon to me.’ So, with their last resources of energy, they crawl up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon. Bill races towards the tree. As he approaches, there is a rattle of machine gun fire, cruelly cutting him down. “Bruce, go back!” he cries as the life ebbs out of him. “It’s not a bacon tree. It’s a ham bush!”
Why did someone call the police on the customer at Taco Bell?
The customer said he was going to blow up the bathroom.
What word doesn’t belong?
Wife, Dog, Meat, Blowjob. You can beat you wife. You can beat your dog. You can beat your meat. But NOTHING beats a Blowjob.
I was thinking about Raising Global Temprature the other day.
It saved me a lot of efforts when I find out it already is.
What did the career counselor say to the midget prostitute?
"You have many other talents, I think you’re selling yourself short here."
Famous coach I don’t like/arch enemy of my team dies and is touring heaven with St. Peter. (My favorite interchangeable sports coach joke.)
Famous coach I don’t like/arch enemy of my team dies and is touring heaven with St. Peter. St. Peter is giving him the heaven tour and shows him his new house. A 2 story home covered in his teams swag and painted the team colors. Famous coach I don’t like see’s a house on a hill not to far from his house. It’s a mansion and covered in team he hates/biggest arch enemy of his team’s swag and painted team he hates colors. He turns to St. Peter while pointing at the mansion and says. “What gives? How does coach of team I hate and is my biggest rival get such a palatial house? My record is as good as his. What did he do to get that size home? St. Peter responds. “That’s not the home of the coach/team you hate that’s God’s home” This was told to me 15+‘years ago in Florida using Bowden/noles and Spurrier/gators.