The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

What did the ground say when it was split by a river?

Canyo not?

Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight

Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

Hey bartender, I need a beer.

I’ve got way too much blood in my alcohol system.

How does a non binary samurai kill their enemy?

They/them

When I was young, I set a life goal for myself: I will buy a Lamborghini at the age of 40. This year, I’ve finally achieved half of the goal.

I turned 40.

It took me 39 years, but I finally understand. When someone says "hold your horses" what they mean is...

Be stable.

Where did the drunk owl end up?

Owlcoholics Hoooononymous. Ironically my ex-wife ended up in rehab for alcohol abuse less than a month after coming up with and telling her this joke.

Kanye west is no longer Yeezy. He’s now know as

Yeet-y

What’s the difference between a cult and a religion?

|cult - religion|

I refused to believe I was gay and dyslexic.....

I was in Daniel.

Today I will be ranking the Alphabet in alphabetical order!

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

A man prays every day to win the lottery.

He goes into the Cathedral every day and prays his heart out. "Please let me win the lottery! PLEASE let me win the lottery!" Finally, he hears a big, booming voice that says, "Do your part! Buy a ticket!" So this is why people gamble. So God can answer their prayers.

How do you know if an ant’s a boy or girl?

They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles!