The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

Why did the producer of Dirty Jobs get fired?

He was a Mike Rowe manager.

How does a self obsessed woman with god complex masturbate?

Narcissors

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

what brand soup makes you snore when you sleep?

Its knorr

The insomniacs are getting all excited.

Only 2 more sleeps till Christmas.

What mythical creature fights for the rights of other mythical creatures?

Unioncorns.

Why have we never heard from aliens?

Because the technology that makes alien contact possible is the same technology that creates social media!

Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 men.

It exploded and killed 20 more. Then he threw the pin and killed 10 more men.

A little girl walks into the kitchen and sees half naked guy making breakfast..

- Are You the new babysitter? - No, I’m the new motherfucker.

What do you call a newborn of middle eastern descent?

An arababian

What kind of car racing comes from Mexico?

Formula Juan

Kanye West wins the Republican nomination for the presidency...what is the first thing he says?

"FAKE JEWS"

An apple a day keeps the doctor away . . .

. . . Especially if you throw it at him