The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

I admit that I am a racist and do you know why?

The relay race is horrible... Passing a little scroll from one person to another come on. Races should be on stamina and speed or jumping not some sort of group activity passing a scroll back and forth. The relay race is bull crap. All the other races are fine just not the relay.

Bull

A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, “All that bull does is eat grass. Won’t even look at a cow.” “Take him to the vet,” his friend suggested. The next week, John is much happier. “The vet gave him some pills, and the bull serviced all of my cows!” he told his pal. “Then he broke through the fence and bred with all my neighbor’s cows! He’s like a machine!” “What kind of pills were they?” asked the friend. “I don’t know, but they’ve got a peppermint taste.”

Putin thought that taking Kyiv was just a matter of painting letters on tanks.

It was easier Z than done.

What does my APR credit card have in common with my wife giving me a blowjob?

No interest until 2024

What was the one-legged man doing at the ATM?

Checking his balance.

Late one night, Jack takes a shortcut through a cemetery.

Hearing a tapping sound he becomes scared and quickens his pace. The tapping gets louder and Jack is now scared out of his wits. Then he notices a man chiselling a tombstone. "Thank goodness!" Jack says to the man. "You gave me a fright of my life. Why are you working so late?" "They spelt my name wrong."

What do you call fruit playing the guitar?

A jam session.

What type of wine do traders drink?

ImPORT/ ExPORT

I have no sex appeal; if my wife didn’t toss and turn,

we’d never have had the kid.

A blind man, a deaf man, and a mute man like a woman

The blind man, to impress her, says: "If I could see anything, I wish I could see your face." The deaf man says: "If I could hear anything, I wish I could hear your voice." The mute man says:

Is anyone behaving badly just to get coal in their stocking...

... so they can heat their house?

What did the T.Rex say to Jesus while he was tending his flock?

Shepard

I was telling this gal at a bar that my dick was in the Guiness Book of World Records once

She stopped being interested when I got to the part of the librarian demanding me to leave