The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

I just got fired for making a typo. It’s unreal. Like IT’S A TYPO! It’s not a big deal.

Firstly, “ie” and “y” are often interchangeable. Secondly a neon sign saying “Comedy Here” is way less eye-catching. And thirdly, the client said it themselves, they’d never had so many people walk in their door.

My friend went broke, after going through a break up

Then he broke down.

Be a Pussy

In a world full of egomaniac big dicks, be a bigger pussy because that big dick will always look small compare to your bigger pussy.

Can we stop this crazy pitchfork pursuit on furries just for a few minutes?

Seriously, my pitchfork is all dull and dirty and I need some time to repair it.

My wife loves a hairy chest...

But I personally think she looks better without it.

I defeated our local chess champion in less than three moves ...

Finally, my high school karate lessons paid off.

Three women, a black, a hispanic, and a Jew, walk up to the bar...

They pass it, have a great career, and are appointed to the Supreme Court. The joke is that it took 233 years to happen.

Heaven is where the cooks are French, the police are British, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by the Swiss.

Hell is where the cooks are British, the police are German, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Italians.

where is the capital of the US?

In an offshore account.

Why did you buy useless, half-finished garbage?

Sorry, that was a typo. I meant to say, why did you buy a modern video game?

The doctor told me I had 2 days to live...

So I killed him and the judge gave me 80 years

Did you guys hear about the massive amount of Covid cases from the NYC NFT convention?

No taste has been the main symptom reported

Six Supreme Court justices, floating face-down in a river

All 6 conservative members of the SCOTUS got stranded in the woods with only a giant suitcase and a couple of paddles. Then they came to a raging river- it was fast-moving, wide and rocky but only waist deep. They began to bicker over how to get across. Kavanaugh, Thomas, and Gorsuch said "We are strong and manly- We shall march across these raging waters unafraid!" Barrett, Alito and Roberts countered- "God has given us this suitcase and paddles for a reason, it is clear He will guide us through these rocky waters." The disagreement persisted for a while, and eventually Kavanaugh, Thomas, and Gorsuch got on the suitcase with the others, still trying to [persuade the others to do it their way. 15 minutes later, all 6 were found dead, drowned in the river. ​ What happened? They overturned the case during Row vs. Wade arguments.