The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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Sick of my wife, I faked my own death and immediately went to Guam
Yet there she was, fucking two dudes on the beach.
2 Gay lads are out on a date…
One of them is sitting too far back from the bar, blocking the aisle, so the other guy being chivalrous says: “Oh here, let me push your stool in.”
Why are city-dwelling gnomes very good at keeping time?
Because they are metrognomes.
I found a bundle of dollar bills in the street. As a devout Christian, I asked myself, “What would Jesus do?”
So I turned it into wine.
what can you say at a funeral and a harrasment
"we are here today because this person touched us in some way"
What do you get when you cross Tissue, Lotion and Incognito mode?
The perfect night at home!
What should you do if you see a casket falling uncontrollably out of a building?
Give it some codeine/ tylenol and then the coffin should stop
Zookeeper
I lost my job as a zookeeper. There were signs everywhere that said, “Do not feed the animals,” so I didn’t.