The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

What were dinosaurs called before the meteors hit?

Live-osaurs

What does a man with a 2 foot penis eat for breakfast?

Well, this morning I had toast

Grandpa asks Lil Kyle

At the family get-together grandpa askd little Kyle what he wants to achieve once he is grown up "I want a house with no form of running water!" Well, thats a bit weird grandpa thinks, but lets ask him why. "i want to become filthy rich"

What do you call a teacher without pupils?

Blind

Why was a man standing in front of an ATM machine with only 1 leg?

He was checking his balance.

I got a threatening note in the post that said "Pay the money, or there will be consequences."

Underneath I wrote "Like you not receiving the money?" and pushed it back through the letterbox.

Do you know how annoying it is to drill small holes?

Only a little bit.

My colleague won’t be able to attend next week’s Innuendo Seminar,

so I have to fill her slot instead.

The Illness

Doctor: I am sorry but you have a terminal illness and have only 10 to live. Patient: 10? 10 What? Days? Weeks? Months?! Doctor: Nine.

I won an Iphone 13 in a race

The other two competitors are: the owner of the phone and police officers

I asked to join the Suicide Squad...

They rejected me when they found out it was because I wanted to be good at it.

I got in a terrible accident which caused the loss of my penis and balls

The worst part of it though was when the doctor told me that I had to vote democrat for the rest of my life now

What is the most cop infested city in the United States?

MinneaPOLICE