The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

What did the grape say when the elephant sat on him?

Nothing, he just gave out a little w(h)ine.

Why did the conspiracy theorist chick shave her pussy?

Because Bush did 9/11

What do you call an African man that wont admit hes in a river?

in de nile

Imagine being such a horrible PM

That 2 days after you take office the Queen is so tired of you, she just dies.

my 5yo made up a joke! What do you call a robot that can walk and drive?

A Mobot!

What do you call a fish on a hot day?

A tuna melt.

What do you get from a whore that turns out to be a tranny?

Sore tonsils.

Picked my friend up from the hospital yesterday...

...his missus had just given birth to identical twins. "Aww!" I said. "Who do they look like...?" He said "each other you idiot."

Why do men perform better than women at chess?

They all think with their penis.

My friends told me jokes are supposed to have a punchline

Stay tuned for more jokes, if you enjoyed this one

What’s the difference between Windows 95 and a virus?

A virus does something.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.

It just made her more upset. She shouted at me and said, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

What do you call a polar bear on the South pole and another Polar Bear On The North pole?

Polar Opposites.