The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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Where were you last night already?
Late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their “secret” base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot’s story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn’t a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying “you-did-not-see-a-base” briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading and sent him on his way. The day after that, though, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP’s surrounded the plane… Only this time there were two people on the plane. The same pilot jumped out and said, “Do anything you want to me, but my wife is on the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!”
How do you drink your coffee?
Black like the guy who harvested it and strong as his overseer
What did the princess say to Pinocchio after jumping of his face?
Lie to me Pinocchio
Why can’t Gay people be in wheelchairs …
because you can’t be a fruit & a vegetable.
Amazon
Amazon’s stock has been tanking recently. Would seem to be a PRIME opportunity to buy
My husband and I were chilling on the couch. Him playing a video game and me on Reddit. When he looks over at me sweetly and asks me if I want to play around.
I got excited and started leaning in for a kiss when he handed me the video game remote. I realized the importance of a space very quickly. >!He was asking if I wanted to ‘play a round’!<
Attention at the beach
I asked my uncle, “how come your are so popular with the lady when you go to the beach?” “I’ll tell you my secret”, my uncle whispered. “Put on a pair of speedos then get a potato and put it in there. You will get all the women’s attention!” I did as he suggested and was walking around the beach in my potato enhanced speedo. I was getting a lot of attention but I wouldn’t say it was positive. People were avoiding me and giving me dirty looks. I happened to see my uncle at the beach and went to ask him why it isn’t working for me. As soon as he saw me he said, “hey dipshit, put the potato in the front!”