The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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A warlord was looking for some supplemental troops.
He was looking for the toughest most brutal mercenary company. He thought he found it but when he called the receptionist answered, "Thanks for calling the toughest most brutal mercenary company, my name is Ruth."
Wife and chair
(In a courtroom, a judge is hearing a case of domestic abuse) Judge: Mrs. Smith, why did you hit your husband with a chair? Wife: (sobbing) I tried not to … but I couldn’t lift a table.
A redneck is pulled over by a policeman...
Policeman: Got any ID? Redneck: About what?
Yo mama so dumb, When the doctor told her she was pregnant,
She asked, "Is it mine?"
Some people really should learn to be more direct.
It took too much time to figure out that if you drink enough water in just the right light you can create a stream of piss that crafts a beautiful rainbow. My wife should have just said she wanted skittles.
Donald Trump’s daughter got married this weekend
For her “something blue,” he gave her Nevada
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. After a few drinks, he begins waxing philosopical. "You know, sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever," he says to the bartender. "Yes," the bartender agrees. "We call those people cops."
My wife and I had sex for 3 straight hours last night…
We did some role playing. I played the doctor, she played the patient who was in the waiting room for 2 hours and 58 minutes.