The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

How did the seaman get to work?

I put on the wrong socks.

My Son asked me about my book collection.

My son walked over to my bookcases and said to me “Yknow dad you must have over 10,000 books!” 10,639 books I replied “Wow! Surely you haven’t read them all?” he responded That’s not true! I have read every last word in each of these books. “Jeez, how on earth do you find the time Dad?” he asked Simple! Every time I get a new book I read the last word and put it on the shelf!

Why did man invent science?

He was tired of being wrong

In the beginning there was nothing. God said "Let there be light".

# There was still nothing but now you could see it.

What’s green and stinks of pork?

Kermit the frogs fingers.

What do you call

What do you call a Buddhist monk meditating mindfully? Omomatopoeia

Where do Kevin McCarthy and Kari Lake live?

Where do Kevin McCarthy and Kari Lake live? ​ ​ Never Never Land

Why did the hurricane kill itself?

Because it had tropical depression.

Why did the sperm cross the road

Because I came in a chicken

I meet these genie.

He ask who was the person I dislike the most. i told him my mother-in-law. He explained that I get three wishes but what ever I get my mother in law gets double whatever I wish for 1st wish I ask for 1 fancy mansion. My mother-in-law gets two fancy mansions My second wish I ask for $10 billion dollars. My mother in law got $20 billion dollars My last wish. I ask the genie to beat me half too death.

The sane appear as strange to the mad

as the mad to the sane.

My wife said that I always treat my kid unfairly.

I don’t even know which one she means, Tommy, Tina or the fat ugly one.

y’all ever heard any monorail jokes?

i hear they make good one-liners.