The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

How does a non binary Samurai finish their enemy ?

They slash Them

A man named Vival gets lost in the woods

A man with the second name Vival gets lost in the woods for 10 years. Many presumed him to be dead until he was found again alive and well he was surrounded by reporters asking the same question “Vival mister how did you survive?” He responded, “ahh well my knightly title kept my spirits up for I am, Sir Vival”

BREAKING: Willie Nelson dead at 89.

It appears he was playing on the road again.

Why are bacteria so bad at math?

Because they multiply by dividing.

I shoved a woman at the bank I work at

She asked me to check her balance

What would Martin Luther King JR be if he was white?

Alive.

Doubtful German police press release

In 2020, German police announced that they had to fire shots at people a total of 62 times throughout 2019. However, the U.S. Ambassador to Germany doubted these figures, as he did not believe that there have been only two traffic stops in the entire year in the whole of Germany.

Why does Paris have so many avenues?

Because the germans prefer to march in shade.

I was thinking posting a joke about Prince Harry’s autobiography…

… but you would probably think I was just cashing in on my notoriety.

What does Forrest Gump have his email password set as?

1Forrest1

What Elvis Presley does in an elevator?

Nothing he is dead you dumbass

What sport did Ted Kennedy play at Hogwarts?

Chappaquidditch

A new mother just gave birth and immediately fell into a coma.

When she wakes up, the doctor informs her she gave birth to twins, a girl and a boy. The woman asks, “who named them?” And the doctor replies, “your brother.” The woman thinks, “not by brother, he’s crazy!” And she asks the doctor for the names. The doctor says, “he named the girl Denice.” The woman thinks, “that’s not too bad.” and asks, “what did he name the boy?” The doctors replies, “DeNephew.”