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The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

New at better-not-say-it.com: Our hot joke section. Have fun laughing with our sensationally funny jokes:


It all makes sense now

Jack: Rose! There’s enough room, you can save me! Rose: There’s one thing you should know about me Jack. I’m actually 26 years old! Jack: … Rose: Jack? Jack: *drifts away into the dark depths of the ocean*

What do you call a ghost in a painting?

A portra-geist

Why do little girls put fish in their pockets?

...so they can smell like big girls.

Researchers have found that men complain less in the month of February.

Because it only has 28 days.

Q. What do you call a woman who can suck a golf ball through a garden hose?

A. Baby, darling, honey…

Why is spit a good vehicle for bacteria and viruses?

Because it’s a transmission fluid.

I told my girlfriend she was drawing her eyebrows way too high

You should have seen the surprised look on her face

Some guy wanted me to privately invest in Egyptian architecture

I turned it down... I have a feeling it involves a pyramid scheme.

What are battle rappers known for?

Their diss abilities.

Why did Sweeney Todd’s wife have such a hard time keeping her restaurant staffed?

Employee turnover.

I think my cat is a quantum physicist

He sees everything as strings.

I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals.

I’m a veterinarian because I hate plants.

What kind of car does Jesus drive?

A Chrysler

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