The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

What do you call a terrorist attack in the Middle East?

A selfie.

I got drunk at an AA meeting

The details are a bit fuzzy but they said I was the life of the party. They want me to come back every Thursday.

That poor florist…

He could only grow Onelips.

Why are arsonists fun people to be around

They light up the room every time they enter

What do call a man with no arms or legs in a cupboard?

Herb

What do you call a group of lawyers at the pub?

A bar association

My girlfriend told me to put tomato sauce on the shopping list, so I did.

Now I can’t read it..

My doctor’s all mixed up

He grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then hit me in the balls with a hammer.

Did you hear about the crazy Mexican train robber?

He had loco motives

What do you call the cops in Nepal?

The Nepalese

Why did the sailor ground his son?

Because his grades were below sea level

My wife says I have two major flaws

One is that I never listen when she talks to me, and two was something else.

What do you call putting an Altoid in her butt?

Her-ass-mint