The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

What does a deaf gynecologist do?

Read lips

What does the dumb lactose intolerant say?

“I think all cheese is Gouda”

The color palette of most public restrooms in public beaches and forests is on the depressing earth-tones and brown side…

…I mean, shit.

If I had a dollar for every gender…

I would have 2 dollars and a bunch of monopoly money.

My doctor told me that his research on intestinal flora could be close to curing depression, but that they were missing samples.

And I gotta tell you; for the first time in my life, I actually gave a shit.

I lost my gold bar.

Au man!

If humans are made up of water, then stepping on and walking over people...

makes you 60% Jesus.

In a few minutes, a hypnotist convinced me that I’m a metal with atomic number 82.

Turns out I’m ….easily lead.

A priest and an atheist are golfing together…

From the tee, the atheist is playing a great game. He’s already under par and has a clear easy put for the first hole. He takes his shot and misses. “Damn! Missed the bugger!” The priest is taken aback by the language, but lets it slide. At the next hole, again the atheist is set up for an easy shot but again he misses it and cries “Damn! Missed the bugger!” The priest winced at the language and says to his friend “God will strike you down if you do not hold your tongue, my friend.” The atheist is unimpressed. At the third hole, the same thing happens yet again; it’s an easy shot but the atheist misses. Once again he exclaims “Damn! Missed the bugger!” Before the priest can issue another warning, the skies darken, thunder roars and lightning strikes the… priest dead! God, on his cloud, says “Damn! Missed the bugger!” Edit: I remember hearing a joke similar to this at school in the 90s. Probably been warped by my memory in the last 30 years. Very tame but 11 year old me thought it was so rude and edgy!

A molecule tells another:

“A free electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You gotta keep your ion them!”

Did you know that multiplication used to be represented by an e instead of an *

The only reason why they changed it was because of s*x.

What’s one unique thing about Trump’s appearance in NYC this week?

It’s the only circus where an elephant is also the clown.

My last girlfriend choked to death.

It was a terrible blow.