The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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A CIA Agent, KGB spy and AISE operative were sent to infiltrate a terrorist cell.
The terrorists figured out the three were infiltrators and thus captured them. The terrorists decided to torture the three infiltrators. They started with the CIA agent. “Do not worry, for I have been trained in the United State’s most insidious enhanced interrogation techniques and how to resist them.” They heard the agent crying for around 10 minutes before he was tossed back in the cell, bloodied and bruised. “I failed. I told them everything I knew.” Next, the terrorists came for the KGB spy. “Comrades, there is nothing to fear. For our glorious cause, I have survived in the most dangerous areas of the Motherland, and will not fail!” Once again, screams reached the cell. But the KGB agent lasted only 30 minutes. Afterwards, he was tossed back in the cell with several broken bones. “Comrades, I am ashamed to admit that I have betrayed the glorious Motherland and divulged all manners of secrets.” Finally, the terrorists came for the AISE operative. With his head resigned, knowing that members of the two greatest spy agencies failed, he was unsure as to how he would survive. The torture started. Screams concern again echoed within the cell. But they didn’t soon cease. 10 minutes passed, then a half hour, then hours. Throughout that night, the torture continued. It went on for an entire week, but it didn’t seem that the AISE operative would break. When the week was up, the terrorists tossed a very broken man back in the cell. The KGB and CIA agents were surprised. “How did you last so long?” Through a mouth of broken teeth and blood, the AISE operative replied. “I tried to tell them everything, but my hands were tied.” BTW: AISE is the Italian foreign intelligence agency
A guy and I recently went against each other in a knot competition...
It was hard fought battle but in the end it ended in a tie
A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer are arrested and are to be executed by the electric chair
First, they strap the physicist and pull the lever and nothing happens. Thinking its a sign from God, the physicist is set free. Then, they strap in the mathematician and pull the lever and again, nothing happens. Thinking its a sign from God, they release the mathematician. Finally, they bring in the engineer and strap him in. As they were going to pull the lever, the engineer suddenly exclaimed, "Wait! The chair is not plugged in!"
My dad divorced my mom after the paternity test results
For reasons that aren’t apparent to me
I think my neighbour is stalking me. I caught her Googling my name. At least I think she was...
The focus on my telescope is a little shaky.
Doc : I have some bad news and some good news.
Doc : I have some bad news and some good news. Me : Okay, give me the bad news. Doc: Well it’s all how you regard something like this, but you show very definite signs of homosexuality. Me: Oh, come on. What in the world is the good news? Doc: The good news is I think you’re cute.
"I love you," I said. "Do you love me too?"
"Yes," my wife replied. "On a scale of 1-10 that sounds about right."
Inside every man there are two ancient Greeks
A Spartan warrior and an Athenian femboy