The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

The whole family are having breakfast together when…

The young Grandson looks over at his 18 year old newlywed wife and asks her, "Will you pass the honey, honey?" She giggles and passes the honey. His father, not to be outdone, looks over to his beautiful wife and asks, "Will you pass the sugar, sugar?" She laughs, "Your still a charmer," and passes the sugar. The Grandfather looks up, makes eye contact with his wife of 55 years and asks, "Will you pass the tea... bag?"

TIFU by naming my kid

First, this actually happened 12 days ago. And before anyone calls me AH, my wife and I are already looking at a name change, and this isn’t AmITheAsshole. After getting pressured by our families, we decided to look into the gender of our future newborn (they want to get appropriate gifts and what not). My party planner cousin wanted to throw us a gender reveal party which we agreed to. After a few weeks of anticipation, we had our party. We cut into the cake and found out we were having a boy! Now we started getting gifts but the looming question is “what are you going to name him???” Well 5 weeks ago my wife and I started talking about names. I blanked. I wanted something traditional from my German background and she wanted something more main stream as we live in the US. But we never could decide on anything. Days go by. Then weeks. Now we are just days away from the birth; go bag is packed, arrangements for dogs were made, and we are just waiting for the birth. Oh, but no name still. We decide we will make it a “game time call” as you Americans call it. To the fuck up. Well the day of the birth comes, and I come up with an unique sounding name. Incorporates what my wife was looking for while my heritage also shines. She couldn’t be happier and our family loves the name. But something weird happened as we were being discharged. I’ll be the first to admit it, my son has a weird name. No, not password security level weird name, but definitely not 100% ‘normal’. I guess his name was being talked about by some of the nurses and staff. People starting whispering his name towards us as we were being discharged. Some patients may have heard it also as they started saying it as well. I go get the car for my wife, and we start putting our boy in his car seat and get my wife settled. Somehow people outside our car and in the parking lot were also saying his name. Almost rejoicing in it. Did my wife and I make a mistake here naming him something unconventional? It’s been almost 2 weeks now. His name plus his pic must have gotten out there. Everywhere we go people yell his name at us. We can’t go anywhere anymore without constant harassment. Like did someone put an apple air tag on him and publicly display his location?! Everyone always knows when he is in public. We don’t know silence anymore. It seems that whenever he goes out, the people always shout, there goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.

I was going to make a joke on rappers

But I got diss-trackted

Man on an elevator

Man on an elevator asks the woman next to him, "Excuse me. Can I smell your pussy." "No!", she exclaims angrily "Oh sorry.", he says, "Must be your feet."

My beautiful girlfriend has a vagina that smells like Roses.

But Roses is tighter.

Saw a hippy walking down the road with one shoe on..

Hey Hippy, you lost a shoe. Nah, Man…. I found one!

Who was the funniest pope in history?

**Pope Hilarius** (or **Hilary**) was the bishop of Rome from 19 November 461 to his death on 29 February 468.

My sister and I inherited our chronic bowel issues from our mother

Runs in the family

My wife says I get way too overexcited when I cook and that I always end up using too many herbs in my dishes.

So she told me to take a thyme out.

Whenever you feel sad...

Whenever you feel sad... It helps to picture that somewhere in this world, there’s a fool pulling on a door that says “PUSH”!

Two men

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

Poor ringo

The Beatles are sitting around a table in a diner. all of them are happily sitting there with their arms around their wives, all except for poor old Ringo.   “Guys? I’m really getting the blues being all lonely here. How do you suggest going about getting a woman?” He asks, drumming his fingers on the table.   John is the first to speak up. “Get yourself some lucy, find the weirdest looking chick in the building ... ”   George interrupts him. “That’s nonsense, what I do is foolproof! Just keep playing the guitar like I do and ... Oh, never mind.”   Ringo is feeling pretty hopeless at this point, so he turns to Paul, the most reliable of the group. “Paul? Can you at least give me a good answer?”   Paul pats him on the back with a kind smile and says, “Well Ringo, what I do is gaze into the crowd after the end of our concert ... and I look at all the lonely people.”

I heard there were a bunch of break-ins over at the car park.

That is wrong on so many levels.