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They say a sneeze is equal to 1/16th of an orgasm

If that’s true, it horrifies me to imagine the sound my father makes when he nuts

"Russian independent media reported"

about a fox in the news

What do you call a prostitute from Louisiana?

A Cajun of sin.

I went to a Chinese restaurant and there was a suggestion box,

so I wrote ‘Free Tibet.’

John Drop is a developer and have a child with his wife Jelena, how did they name him?

Dragan

Two cars collide due to one of the drivers masturbating behind the wheel.

It was a traffic jaccident.

Who is the female vocal equivalent of Morgan Freeman?

Morgan FreeWoman (Courtesy- reddit)

A white supremacist walks into Mar a Lago. A Secret Service agent says to him…

“Welcome home, Mr. President. Would you like a Diet Coke?”

Motherhood is like a fairytale...

... _*but in reverse*_ You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.

Having a girl best friend is like having a Chicken as a pet

Sooner or later, you are going to want to eat it...

Due to inflation

The phrase "a dime a dozen" has gone up to "a dollar a dozen"

Life pro tip: Want to take a selfie during sex?

Just squeeze both nipples at the same time. Stolen from ask Reddit post about sex.

I need help finding a Tim Burton movie

I Googled "Tim Burton movie where Johnny Depp plays a quirky, androgynous loner," and Google told me to be more specific.

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