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What do Erin do when Erin drink too much on St. Patrick’s Day?
Erin go BRAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHH Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
A guy walks into a clock shop and aproaches the counter where a sales lady is standing.
He pulls down his zipper and places his pecker on the counter. Sales Lady stunned: Excuse me sir, This is a CLOCK shop. Customer: Yes I know, could you please put two hands and a face on this please?
Father Instructs
He sat down very seriously in front of his son, which the son realized meant one of those boring lectures was imminent. Father produced a brandy snifter, into which he dropped an earthworm. He then took up a bottle of tequila and filled the glass with it. The worm quickly dissolved. “Now, , what do we learn from this experiment?” Son, thoughtfully. “I guess if you drink tequila you won’t have worms.”
I lost my job at the bank today.
Someone told me to check their balance, so I pushed them over.
“Nothing looks good on me anymore,” complained a customer modeling an outfit in front of the department store’s mirror…
“Nonsense, ma’am,” said the salesclerk trying to reassure her. “That dress says it all.” “That’s the problem,” the woman replied. “I need a dress that keeps its mouth shut.”
If your cruise ship starts to sink, get into the pool immediately...
...because then at least you’ll have a nice smooth transition to the ocean.
I came up with this in math class
This guy goes to interview for a job. He’s really nervous about it, because this job is a super big opportunity for him. He goes in, and the interviewer introduces herself, saying “Hi, my name is Karen”. They immediately start talking about the job, and the guy is answering all of Karen’s questions spot-on, and he’s starting to feel really good about his chances of getting the job. But surprisingly, at the end of the interview Karen says “Thanks, but I think we’re gonna move on with other candidates.” So the guy leaves, feeling pretty sad and disappointed. On his way back to his car, he passes an old woman in the parking lot. She waves him over, and says, “Excuse me, young man”. The guy walks over to her, and she says “Hello, dear. My name is Sharon”. “Could you do me a favor? I left my purse at home and I don’t have any quarters for the parking meter.” “Oh no problem,” he says, and grabs some change from his pocket and hands it to her. Suddenly, Sharon reaches up and starts pulling on her face, and her face starts peeling off! She’s wearing a mask! And you would never believe who it was under the mask: it was Karen, the woman who just interviewed him! Karen explains that it was all a test, that she needed to make sure he had good character before she would hire him. “Congratulations,” she says. “You got the job!” So he signs on for the job, goes home, still shocked and a little confused. Anyways, it all just goes to show that Sharon is Karen.
What’s the difference between the Capitol building and a clown car?
A clown car is smaller and has wheels.