The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

I once tried to create a comedy routine based on the myth of Orpheus.

Looking back, it was a bad idea.

Dating is like fishing

There’s plenty of fish in the sea, but until you catch one you’re stuck holding your rod

Why did the drill sergeant refuse to wear underwear under his uniform?

so he could have easy access to his privates while in commando.

Zelenskyy went on the news yesterday to address Russia.

"I am tired of Putin up with you!"

Did you know that “school” used to be called something else? It was changed in honour of Chuck Norris’ first day of kindergarten in 1945.

Prior to that, it was simply called “sh”.

I gave a woman my umbrella yesterday

That brings the total number of women I’ve made wet this year to -1

Why was Alan Turing fired from the department store?

He was unable to compute whether or not any given top was a halter top.

I’m going to name my dog ‘a lot of bitches’

That way every morning I can say I fuck a lot of bitches

What do you call a drunk communist?

Hammered and sickled.

I took some days off from work to break my personal sleep record.

Unfortunately my family has not been supportive of my "dreams".

I just made a boomerang out of a snake

I have a feeling that idea might come back to bite me in the ass

During my army training, I had to get over a wall...

So I got drunk and slept with its friend.

What did the blonde say to the environmentalist who came on her in the woods?

Uggh! I was here first, so you should have let me come first!