The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

I watch a lot of tv

My favorite shows are blackish, twin geeks, and lesbian. I watch them on my favorite channel—Incognito mode

my wife told me to stop making animal metaphors

she thinks it makes me a bad person she should get off her high horse

I tried to make a Joke about the French army.

Well, I gave up.

My friend asked if it would be crazy to say the word “stun” backwards.

I told them it’s nuts.

Paddy and Murphy are chatting.

Paddy: "My mate came off of his motorbike today." Murphy: "Oh really, Is he okay.?" Paddy: He has brain damage, 2 broken arms & he is blind in one eye. Murphy: "Fucking hell, no wonder he came off"!!!!

A dog and a cat are arguing about who is more important to humans

The dog says: “I’m so important they even named a body part after me, their K9 tooth!” The cat says: “You’re not gonna want to hear this”

I bought my wife 12 dozen red roses but I don’t think she likes them.

She said that’s gross.

When does a bad smelling firebird accompany a magician?

When you say the 5th book of Harry Potter in a british accent. Harry Potter and the (Odor) of the Phoenix

what do you call an Italian zombie?

A gaba-ghoul

What did the Chemistry Teacher say when he got Vasectomy?

D-Block

Cats or Dogs ?

I prefer cats, But if I was really hungry I might have a dog.

Why are ghosts not welcomed in other people’s houses?

Because they’re uninvited guests.

So my older sister after washing her hands dries her hands on me and says "why have a towel when you have a younger brother"

I say back "why have a dishwasher when you have a woman"