The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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Why is it called canning when you put things in jars?
Because calling it anything else would be too jarring.
Wife comes home from work.
Wife: I left my job today, Husband: Why? Wife: I could not work for that man after what he said to me. Husband: So what did he say.? Wife: You are fired."
Why Tiger Woods is always doing great?
Becuse he knocks on himself before every game.
You hear about the Nyquil truck that collided with a Mucinex truck?
Amazingly, the entire area was congestion-free for over 12 hours.
I’m not losing my hair as I get older
It’s just growing out of my back and ass instead.
Dropped my suit pants off at the dry cleaners….
On my way out, the lady said come again! To which I replied, “ No, just toothpaste this time.”
The last wedding I was at was very emotional.
Everybody was crying, the Bride and Groom, the whole reception, the priest.. Even the massive cake was in tiers..
In the old west
Two cowboys came upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, “You see that Indian?” - “Yeah,” says the other cowboy. - “Look,” says the first one, “He’s listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction.” Just then the Indian looks up. - “Covered wagon,” he says, “About two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, furniture in wagon …” - “Incredible!” says the cowboy to his friend. - “This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color, what’s in the wagon — just amazing!” The Indian looks up and says, - “Ugh … not amazing … wagon ran … over me … 30 minutes ago!”