The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
New at better-not-say-it.com: Our hot joke section. Have fun laughing with our sensationally funny jokes:
Lionel Messi celebrated the World Cup win with dinner at a fancy restaurant
He sat down at the best table in the house and ordered a $500 meal. The soup course was first and he ate every drop, then wiped out the bowl with his napkin and ate that as well. He clipped his nails into the salad and crunched through it with relish. He shaved his beard, stirred the clippings into his glass of Malbec and drained the glass. When his steak arrived, he slathered chimichurri sauce on it, rubbed the steak on the curtains next to his table, and ate the curtains. He cut the waiter’s tie into pieces and wrapped them around the selection of cheeses before popping them into his mouth. He finished with a slice of cake: he ate the whole slice, licked the plate clean, broke the plate on the table, and ate the shards. The restaurant staff was not at all bothered by this and the chef came out and applauded him afterwards - because everyone knows goats will eat anything.
What do you call the paleontologist’s hot old wife
A >!gorgeousaurus!< (Click the black bar for the answer)
Why would you say “aye aye, captain” if your captain has an eye patch?
Shouldn’t it be “aye?”
After seeing watching videos and tutorials online, I finally tried to tie a knot using my tongue.
But I only ended up getting tongue-tied.
The day before the maid is supposed to arrive, my wife always cleans our place as much as she can.
I said: "Honey, do we really need a maid, or just the threat of one?"
How do you call the group of *phrases* "what the hell", "who the hell", "why the hell" etc...?
wth questions You hurt my feelings when you laughed at my typo
Why don’t war vets play hide and seek with their grandchildren?
They’re in the trees
A dog walks into McDonald’s
The guy at the counter says sorry we don’t serve animals here. The dog leaves. 10 minutes later a man in a trench coat walks in with a tail sticking out. The McDonald’s cashier reaches down and grabs the tail. The tail begins squirting semen all over him. He realizes it was actually the man’s hairy penis.