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What do you get when you play a country song backwards?
You get your pickup truck back, you get your girlfriend back, you get your dog back.
As i rolled over from my date and wiped the semen of my dick with tissue, she complained "Is that it?"
"Well,since we did doggie, I would count that as 14 minutes"
How do you turn a duck into a folk singer?
You leave it out in the sun til its bill withers.
Who will never receive a complaint call directly from their customers?
TV sign language interpreters
Describe last of us tv series in two sentences.
Oberyn Martell and Lyanna Mormont survives the game of thrones. Long night is out to get them.
I had to start hiding cereal in my clothes so that my siblings couldn’t eat all of it.
I have Trix up my sleeve.
My friend is finally getting some help about his sexual addiction to grandfather clocks.
It’s about ….fucking time
Possible repost but... Why does a bride smile at her wedding?
Because she knows that she has given her last blowjob.
Why is your pig missing a leg?
Why is your pig missing a leg? - Well, one day I was working at the barn when i accidentally dropped my gas lamp and everything caught on fire, the whole barn was surrounded by the flames and there was no way out. I was pretty sure I was going to die, but suddenly, my pig came running through the flames, grabbed me by the shirt and pulled me out of the barn and saved my life. Wow, and that’s how he lost its leg? - No, one day I was fishing by the lake when I suddenly tripped and fell into the water, I caught myself tangled by the fishing line and couldn’t swim back to land, that’s when I saw an alligator swimming towards me, that’s when I once again was pretty sure my time had come, but that beautiful pig threw itself into the lake, swam towards me, grabbed my arm, and pulled me out of the water, once again saving my life. Oh, and did the alligator bite its leg off? -No. Then how did your pig lose its leg? - Well, it’s such a great pig I just couldn’t eat it all at once.
The girl next to me at the dinner party told me I had real Leo vibes. I asked “Why, because I’m so confident and fiery?”
She replied “No, because your girlfriend is 19”