Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...How do you make a water bed bouncy?
You fill it up with spring water!!!
My four year-old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can’t say the word ‘please.’
Which I think is poor for four.
Winning an argument with the wife.
I wish I could give my wife a blood transfusion from a fainting goat. Then I could always get the last word in.
I thought my wife was hilarious until we got divorced
Turn out she has always been very serious.
Why was the computer so tired when it got home?
Because it had a hard drive!
Me and my girlfriend went on a touring holiday once and we were driving over the downs
Which will teach me to take a shortcut through a special ed school
A friend and I were buried in an avalanche skiing. We played rock-paper-scissors to keep our sanity.
I won in a landslide.
A girl I like gave me her phone number
When I called she picked up and said “911 what’s your emergency?”
My favourite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather.
Until they took the urn from me.