Things better not said - our best

What is the Jewish version of Rock out with your cock out?
Schvitz out with your bits out.

what did the butcher to the chicken?
nice to meat you

Whenever John’s daughter was sad, he found out to cheer her up he’d put out some paper and crayons.
After about fifteen minutes, his daughter would be all right again. But lately, she has been very clingy. So leaving the paper and crayons on the table didn’t work when she wasn’t happy. “Tell you what,” John said, “If I’m gonna be carrying you now more often, I will give you a shoulder to crayon.”

How many degrees does it need to change a lighbulb?
360 * 4 should be enough

What’s red and green and goes 60 mph?
A frog in a blender.

Italy has more elections...
Than a Chinaman on his wedding night

The most victimless crime is murder
There is a victim less when your done

I got a joke my grandfather told it to me so dont hate if youve seen it before
So this girl is pregnant woth triplets one day shes walking home and get shot 3 time her and all her babys survive but the doctor cant do surgery to get the bulets out He says "as the kids get older the bullets will comeout on there own" About 15 years later the first daughter went to the bathroom and plop the bullet fell out She ran out of the bathroom and went " mom mom guess what" "what honey" the mother replied "the bullet came out" she said "well thats lovely" the mother replys A few weeks later the next daughter goes to the bathroom and the bullet comes out she runs out and goes "mom mom" the mom said "what honey did the bullet comeout" she said "yes" happily One day the mom is sitting on her bed and her son comes running in her room "mom mom" he says "what honey did the bullet come out" the mother ask the son frantically replies "no i was jacking off and shot the dog" Sorry if that sucks or i misspelled something

Kermit the Frog came over and made spaghetti for James Hetfield
Pasta of muppets

What do you get when you cross a seafood restaurant with a brothel?
Fish tacos

A guy walks into bar
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "So, have you ever had anyone famous in here?" he asks the bartender. "Actually Meatloaf came here once, and I saved his life when he started choking on one of our smoked German sausages," the bartender replies. "I took the wurst right out of his mouth."

After a night of drinking, I woke up with a Mohawk.
Not the haircut...a big sweaty Indian dude.

Do you know why you should not use viagra as an antidepressant?
Because it just makes everything harder and harder.