Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...A pirate walks into a bar…
He has a steering wheel attached to his balls.
The bartender goes “hello sir, what’s with the steering wheel attached to your balls?”
The pirate says “arghhh, I don’t know matey, but it’s driving me nuts!”
4 men and 12 women walk into a bar.
Because of this the bar was finally removed so that no one else would walk into it.
When everyone on a train in Germany takes their masks off and suddenly the internet works properly, how does that work?
The train crossed the border to Denmark.
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In the preface to the Lord’s Prayer at Matthew 6.5 Jesus mocks people who pray at church or on street corners.
At Matthew 20 when Jesus is asked about Heaven he said get your lazy butts to work building it.
The last time I searched the Internet for what Jesus said about Heaven the Matthew 6.5 hypocrites say it just exists as if by magic.
Jeremiah 10 mocks people who put up Christmas trees.
As for the megachurches, Jesus said Sodom and Gomorrah will fare better. When I pointed that out to a megachurch they blocked me.
The Bible appears to be a cookbook to roast illiterate Christians like the countless slaves forced into the cult.
The funniest part is still how Heaven is manmade built by atheists who send racists to Hell. To learn how we mapped the brain to build afterlife technology, begin with Dr. Jose Delgado’s “Physical Control of the Mind: Toward a Psychocivilized Society” (1969) and his remote-controlled people the Silent Generation and their Boomer kids forgot all about.
The thought of cognitive dissonance reading in the Bible the opposite of what the Matthew 6.5 hypocrite says it says is enough to make any non-cult member laugh, except that they try to put the hardcore bestial pornography of Ezekiel 23:20 into children’s hands along with the long lists of pedophile religious leaders which cult members seem to ignore. Talk about the world’s biggest crime.
Alcohol
Once Nasrudin was teaching his son the first lessons of drinking. So he told him... The son was asking, he was curious. He asked that, "When is one to stop?" Nasrudin said, "Look at that table. Four persons are sitting there. When you start seeing eight, stop!" The boy said, "But father, there are only two persons sitting!"
A Muslim father reads a bed time story to his kids
This is the story of how Ahmed your mother
We were changing shifts at the fish sticks factory at the grinder station....
I was at the end of my shift, spattered with oily fish gore, and had my hand in the corkscrew feeder trying to pull a stick bit of bone out. My coworker, in his fresh beginning of shift uniform, reached in to help and his dry cotton sleeve caught and he was pulled in to a gruesome death. As I stood there watching in horror I thought to myself...
“There but for the grease of Cod go I…”
someone tried to tell me they were a bigger Michael Jackson fan today...
I told them to just beat it
I met a girl, very sweet, she said her name was Persephone. I said “that’s a wonderful name, you certainly don’t hear that everyday…..”.
To which replied, ‘Actually, I do.’
Did you hear that farmers are getting rid of circular hay bales?
Yeah, horses are sad that they’re not getting a square meal.