Things better not said - our best

Where are you if the devil is forcing you to drink piss all day?
Urine hell

Which musicians do bisexuals enjoy?
They like Debussy and they like Dedic

Why does Spiderman wear a mask?
To hide the P.P.

An investigative journalist ...
wanted to find out if homicide rates were higher in "blue" or "red" cities. He gathered years and years of statistics, from small towns to major cities. He soon became overwhelmed the amount of data, but worked diligently to summarize it into digestable chunks. He finally got the story published in the morning newspaper, but no sooner had he finished a celebratory cup of coffee then there came a loud knock at the door. He slowly opened the door to find a police officer demanding he come with him to the station. "What ever for?" exclaimed the journalist. "Aggregated murder!"

What do you call an antivirus made for windows
Curtains

What do you call a fried turnover that’s empty inside?
An empa-NADA!

What’s a proctologist’s favorite planet?
Uranus

Why is Bismuth so versatile and compatible?
Because it is Bi.

Why do lawyers wear neckties?
To hold the foreskin back.

Why did the Sicilian call the suicide hotline?
To place an order.

Don’t be a racist
Be a panda! They are black, white, and Asian

How does Rob Zombie make brownies?
Eggs, milk and flour Bake, for half an hour Frost, with the back of my SPATULA!

What do you call a drummer who touches crippled kids inappropriately?
A paradiddler.