Things better not said - our best

A blonde walks into a blind date
“Nice to meet you” she says to her date as they seat themselves in the booth “So tell me about yourself. What do you do for work?” She asks the man “Oh I’m an optometrist” he replies The blonde flashes a big smile and says “I think this is going to work out after all, I’m a glass half full girl myself”

When the interviewer said he would now pursue a tangential line of questions about the position
The blonde interviewee said she prevents that by laying out naked on her back.

What do you call an African rock band who only gig on a Sunday?
Black Sabbath.

"That woman dresses like a stripper!"
"Yes, but she pulls it off really well!"

Just a fun science joke
If the eigenvalue of a Hermitian operator representing the Hamiltonian of a quantum system is degenerate, the system can exhibit non-trivial topology due to Berry phases, which can be characterized using topological invariants such as Chern numbers

My late grandfather was a dwarf.
He lived a short life.

What is a plants favorite instrument?
A photo-synth-esizer

Greeks vs Italians
Sure, it was the Greeks who invented sex. But Italians were the first ones to introduce it to women

A girl in a nudist colony had problems with fashion...
Nothing looked great on her!

When are men the smartest?
During sex. Thats when they are connected to the main computer.

At first, I wanted rid of my Hemorrhoids…
but the Doctor says they’ve grown attached to me.

Breaking news
Vladimir Putin will marry his long term girlfriend Eva in a private ceremony in the air defense bunker underneath the Kremlin on April 29th. A policy announcement will follow soon after.

Thousands of people have made it to the finals of the world limbo championship
Apparently the bar was set too high