Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...the pillsbury dough boy just said hes attracted to young k1ds
now hes the pillsbury pedough boy
Wheel Chair bound congressman Madison Cawthorn lost his primary tonight.
Now it’s not just his doctors telling him that he can no longer run.
Has anyone else noticed this about movie trailers in recent years?
Movie trailers will say a movie is “only in theaters this Thursday” or “Only in theaters June 9th”. Like why only for that day?
An American man gets married to a British woman.
Before the big night, his father tells him "Tonight I want you to carry your wife in your arms to show her that the US is a strong nation. Then I want you to throw her on the bed to show her that the US is a proud nation. And finally, I want you to take off your clothes to show her that the US is a beautiful nation.”
After the big night the father asks his son,
“So, how did it go?”
“Well, I carried her in my arms to show her that the US is a strong nation.”
"Good!"
“Then I threw her on the bed to show her that the US is a proud nation.”
“Yeah!"
“And then I took off my clothes to show her that the US is a beautiful nation.”
“Very Good! And then what did you do?"
“I jacked off in front of her.”
“Wait….What?!? Why would you do that?"
"To show her that the US is a free and independent nation!"
No Food at The Drive-Thru
"How can I take your order?"
"I would like to order a burger please?"
"No burgers."
"O.K. fries than."
"No fries."
"How about an apple turnover?"
"No apple turnovers."
"A salad?"
"Let me check...Nope."
"So what do you have than?"
"A really big appetite."
What do you call the corner of a triangle who correctly claims the other two corners are 45 degrees?
A right angle
My 3 year old daughter asks, "Where does poo come from?"
To make it simple I say "When you eat the food goes into the stomach and your body takes out all the good stuff inside our body and the rest comes out as poo"
She looked stunned and confused and stared at me in silence.
Then she asks "And Tigger?"
The hell?
Here’s a joke. Lefty thinks he burns me but then deletes his account so he can’t hear truth. What’s the joke? Leftists exist.
My grandfather always used to say “as one door closes another one opens”
Great guy.
Terrible carpenter.
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday