Things better not said - our best

No one should drive like one eats watermelons.
When eating watermelons, you go on red and stop on green.

never before has there ever been a muslim serial killer
because they are called terrorists

Q: What does a stripper do with her asshole before heading out to her shift?
A: Drops him off at band practice.

Why are fewer people going into archeology?
Coz career advancement is in ruins.

I just called a bouncy house place for my kids birthday party...
We got one larger than last year but the guy quoted us 50% higher cost. I asked him whats up with the price. He said, blame inflation.

What’s the difference between real sex and p*rn?
In porn, you pay the *plumber, pizza guy, pool guy, mechanic, and the milk man* with sex. In the real world, *you pay the plumber, pizza guy, pool guy, and mechanic* all with money. ​ # milk men don’t exist anymore.

EA SPORTS.. Its in the game!
You read that in the voice, didn’t you?

What happens when the Queen of Hearts has oral sex with the King?
He gets off with her head!

So I was on a date with this girl named Amber
I was on a date with this girl named Amber. She went to the bathroom and never came back...So I called the police and said...I would like to file an amber alert. Please be on the lookout for my date amber. They then told me that they do not do that here.

Why are bowling balls sticky?
Because that egg done hatched, mister.

Why should you never date a tennis player?
Because love means nothing to them

I’ve had three orgasms today.
The next one is forthcoming.

The judge was a man of few words
Always gave out short sentences