Things better not said - our best

I tried to start an online bakery
But I accidentally deleted all of my cookies.

How many dead bodies
How many dead bodies in your basement does it take to change a lightbulb? More than five, obviously. I can’t see anything down there.

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank?
Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

I heard a great Dad Joke from Alec Baldwin
It was about shooting movies.

My girlfriend poked me in the eyes...
So unfortunately I stopped seeing her for a while.

How much effort should I put into eating my greens?
With every fiber of my being…

My wife still thinks I’m sexy…
Whenever I walk by her she says, “what an ass!”

I was once chasing a guy in a Chevrolet
I was once chasing a guy in a Chevrolet down a dirt road and eventually I lost him, I had to go on the ground to look for the fresh prints of Bel Air

Old Rudy was on a train, mumbling to himself, smiling, and then raising his hand.
After a moment of silence, he would go through the same process, mumble, smile, raise hand, silence. Sarah was observing this, and after about an hour, she said, “Pardon me, sir. Is anything wrong?” “Oh, no,” Rudy replied. “It’s just that long trips get boring so I tell myself jokes.” “But why, sir,” asked Sarah, “Do you keep raising your hand?” “Well,” said Rudy, “That’s to interrupt myself because I’ve heard that one before.”

My friend said that he couldn’t afford to pay his huge water bill...
So, I sent him a get well soon card.

What do rednecks from the South & assholes from Boston have in common?
They both hate the Yankees! Edit: made this up while on the shitter, first submission here.

love themed joke request
Not sure if allowed so sorry, but I need some love themed mostly work appropriate jokes to tell my work crush at her request. Reddit please help!!!

The fellow was being sold a very cheap suit. “But the left arm is a lot longer than the right arm,” he complained.
“That’s why the suit is such a bargain,” the sales clerk explained. “Just cock your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like this.” “But the right leg is way too short,” argued the customer. “No problem,” the sales clerk answered. “Just keep your right knee bent a little at all times, walk like this, and no one will notice. That’s why this suit is only $30.” Finally, the fellow bought the suit, cocked his left shoulder into the air, tucked the suit’s left lapel under his chin, bent his right knee, and limped out of the store toward his car. Two doctors happened along and noticed him. “Good heavens,” the first doctor said to the second, “look at that poor crippled fellow.” “Yeah,” answered the second doctor. “But doesn’t that suit fit great?”