Things better not said - our best

I divided two types of the LGBTQ into two sections...
There was the trans-section, and the bi-section.

Two Irishmen walk out of a bar.
It could happen.

I had a gay orgy at court today, but now we have to have a retrial.
It was a hung jury, as nobody came to an agreement

Wife taking a trip
Man 1: “So my wife is taking a trip to the West Indies” Man 2: oh that sounds lovely. Jamaica?” Man 1: “no she went of her own accord”

I told my uncle to buy me a cool watch.
He gave me an anal-lock.

Want to sexually frustrate an IT worker?
Have you tried turning them off, then on again?

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Dam.

A man offers a young woman $1,000,000
to sleep with him for one night. She looks him up and down. “$1 million? Sure thing! “ He smiles at her. “How about $50?” “I’m not a whore!” “Madam, we’ve already estab-“ “Imma stop you right there. You misunderstand. I’m not a whore, I’m a paid actress . A 16 year old paid actress. There’s a camera there, and there, and there, and coming up behind you is Chris Hansen from ‘Dateline’.”

What is black and white and red all over
2 nuns in a chainsaw fight

Why are french people always so sad?
Because they eat Pain for breakfast

How many jurors does it take to fill out one form?
Apparently more than 7.

i reallylike putin.
she say makesure takeout before finish. isay ok.

Grandpa wanted his remains to be scattered on a beach when he died.
As soon as we started dumping the coolers, people freaked out and called the police on us.