Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...Why can’t groups of Tyrannosauruses clap together..?
They have no rhythm
What did Princess Leia say to Han Solo on their wedding night?
Into the garbage chute, flyboy!
3 egineers in a broken down car
One is a mechanical engineer and he says, "must be the engine we should look under the hood"
The other is an electrical engineer he says, "probably a bad starter or dead battery"
The third is a computer engineer and he says, "just turn it off and on"
My low tire pressure light came on
I went to the air pump and I was shocked to see it cost $3. I was met by a sign that said, cost due to inflation.
what is long, has a slanted tip, and pours fluid when in use?
A pen is.
How to say "hi" in other countries
France has "bonjour."
Japan has "konichiwa."
Germany has "guten tag."
England has "fuck off, yank."
China has "nihao."
I got kicked out of music school for trying to play a guitar with a bow.
They said I violated it.
I told my wife that I find out every morning how much my poop weighs.
She asked if I weighed myself before and after pooping. I thought for a second and I told her that her way is a lot cleaner than what I have been doing.
A short, but funny one
A 103 year old man lay dying in his hospital bed and asks his wife “Our seventh child always looked different from the other six. Did he have a different father?
His wife crying uncontrollably answers “Yes”
He asks “Whose is it?”
His wife replies “Yours”