Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...What is the best “safe word”?
Meatloaf, because I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that.
Jesus becomes a man
Jesus is hitting puberty and Joseph wants to help him become a man. He approaches Mary Magdelene to enlist her help to which she readily agrees.
He takes her back to the tent and waits outside.
A few minutes later, Mary runs from the tent screaming.
Joseph enters the tent and asks what happened.
Jesus spoke: “She came in and started to snuggle real close. After a bit she stood up and dropped her robe. I could see that she was very different from me.
So I healed her
A wise man once told his wife…
Absolutely nothing! Because he was a wise man…
... to your Girlfriend ...An elderly man dies while having sex.
The granddaughter, not yet knowing the cause of death, hurries to her grandparents’ house to comfort her grieving grandmother.
When she asked what happened, her grandmother said “Well dear, even in our advanced age we still did our best to have fun in bed. But you know your grandfather had his heart issues, so we had to do it to something to keep the rhythm at a pace that was safe for him. We decided to do it on Sunday mornings when he could follow the ringing of the church bells. He’d go in with the ding, out with the dong, in with the ding, out with the dong, and so on.”
“So what killed him?” Asked the granddaughter.
“Well he’d be alive and with us today if that doggone ice cream truck didn’t decide to go down our street at the same time!”
A cat wandered into a museum last night and scratched up one of the impressionist paintings The Water Lilies.
It’s a clawed monet.
So… I visited a recreational greens dispensary in the south…
I was greeted with: “Hey hun, how canna high you?”
A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get ou
As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."
He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"
Batman: *buys catwoman a drink*
Catwoman: *slowly knocks it off of the table*