Things better not said - our best

Whatever you do, always give 100%,
Unless you are donating blood.

My Girlfriend Said I Talked To Ghosts
She said I was a medium

How do you call your bestest friends?
Prime mates

Why is it so hard to introduce a welsh gf to your parents?
Because her name is impossible to pronounce

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
Where’s my tractor?

I went back to the Jurassic period to hide from 19th-century female novelists
But Brontesaurus

What is Michael Jackson’s favourite toy?
Game boy

What is the difference between like and love?
Spit and swallow.

What do you call a hooker with no legs?
A lazy Susan.

I like my women how I like my coffee
Bulletproof.

Politics is tough...
I got to choose between the dictators and the dick tasters

Grandma found a lump under her left breast, but the doctor said it was OK.
>! It was just her kneecap !<

What kind of dinosaur can make men?
The Mafiadon