Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...What do you call an overweight doctor who examines your penis?
A meatyurologist.
If I ever write a on how to become a ventriloquist, I would title it:
Ventriloquism for dummies.
Credit to u/Mezz7778
What’s worse than sitting on the toilet and realizing there’s no toilet paper?
Walking in on your wife of 25 years with the next door neighbor after you just dropped off your daughter at the airport to go back to school.
How did they know Vic Morrow had dandruff?
They found his head and shoulders
How do you measure a non-binary person’s temperature?
With a themometer!
There once was a man from Dundee
Who loved to play D and D.
He runs awesome games.
That last many days.
But the only player is he!
Clark Kent was lying in his death bed with his wife Lois Lane beside him.
After some time, Lois said “Darling, I have to confess something. Years ago, I had an affair with Superman. It was only one night, but I’ve regretted it ever since. I hope you can forgive me.”
“You don’t need to worry about that because,” Clark said as he took off his glasses, “I am Superman! Even if you didn’t know it was me, in my eyes you were always faithful.”
“Oh thank God!” said Lois. “ I can’t tell you what a weight that is off my chest.”
“Glad we cleared that up,” said Clark.
“So I guess this means you were Batman too.”
A panda walks into a bar and orders a sandwich
After he finishes eating, he pulls out a gun and shoots it in the air. The bartender is surprised and asks the panda why he did that. The panda pulls out a dictionary and points to the entry on "panda", which reads: "Panda: a large black and white bear-like mammal native to China. Eats shoots and leaves."
getting sucked off by your partner-inbed at night is awesome
unless her name is bedbug...