Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...An old married lady starts wondering what..
...her vagina looks like after so many years. So she gets a big mirror, puts it on the floor and stands over it naked. Just as she does this her husband walks through the door. He looks at her, looks at the floor and gets very angry. Whats the matter she asks?
I just got done working a 12 hour shift now I gotta fix that giant hole on the floor.
Why did a blonde on a diet eat her food quickly?
She thought she is fasting.
What’s the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?
Ones a little lighter.
A sailor arrives to a port city
He runs off to the closest brothel and begs the madam
“Madam, I just spent the last two years at sea with men only around me, I must be with a woman, but I only have 5 dollars, is there someone I can get for 5$?”
The Madam answers -
“Well, 5$ is way too cheap for anything… but, there is this prostitute that died tonight, her body is still in the attic, you can do whatever you want to her for 5$”
The sailor goes to the attic, and after about 20 minutes comes down.
He lights up a cigarette and hands the 5$ to the Madam.
She proceeds to ask
- “How was it?”
- “Well, it was great, but every time I pushed my dick inside, it looked like she had a runny nose”
- “Oh, it’s no runny nose, she’s probably just filled up”
yo mama is so ugly...
Her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
What you call a black people on the moon??!
A fucking Astronaut. What is worng with you guys??
A cowboy walked into a bar in Texas
He was wearing a shirt & pants made entirely of brown wrapping paper.
Very quickly, the sheriff arrested him for rustling.
How did the Swedes lose a nuclear war to the Russians?
Their nukes took to long to assemble.
What do you get when you mix Napolean Dynamite and Napolean Bonaparte?
Napolean Blownapart