Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...I asked my friend if he likes trees one day…
He was like, “well yea?”
And I was like, “my dog does too! All he talks about is bark!”
Sex is like snow;
you never know how many inches you’re going to get or how long it will last.
Famous coach I don’t like/arch enemy of my team dies and is touring heaven with St. Peter. (My favorite interchangeable sports coach joke.)
Famous coach I don’t like/arch enemy of my team dies and is touring heaven with St. Peter. St. Peter is giving him the heaven tour and shows him his new house. A 2 story home covered in his teams swag and painted the team colors. Famous coach I don’t like see’s a house on a hill not to far from his house. It’s a mansion and covered in team he hates/biggest arch enemy of his team’s swag and painted team he hates colors. He turns to St. Peter while pointing at the mansion and says.
“What gives? How does coach of team I hate and is my biggest rival get such a palatial house? My record is as good as his. What did he do to get that size home?
St. Peter responds. “That’s not the home of the coach/team you hate that’s God’s home”
This was told to me 15+‘years ago in Florida using Bowden/noles and Spurrier/gators.
A horse walks into a bar...
And the bartender says "why the long dick?"
What did the career counselor say to the midget prostitute?
"You have many other talents, I think you’re selling yourself short here."
I was thinking about Raising Global Temprature the other day.
It saved me a lot of efforts when I find out it already is.
What word doesn’t belong?
Wife, Dog, Meat, Blowjob.
You can beat you wife.
You can beat your dog.
You can beat your meat.
But NOTHING beats a Blowjob.
Why did someone call the police on the customer at Taco Bell?
The customer said he was going to blow up the bathroom.