Things better not said - our best

"Honey, where are my pants", says the husband upon entering his house
"Theyre right here" - says the giant pulsating honeycomb

What do brain surgeons value the most?
An open mind.

Archaeologists found a mummy adorned with ancient nuts and wrapped in gold foil.
They believe it may be the legendary Pharaoh Rocher.

Be careful when it comes to following the masses…
Sometimes the “m” is silent.

What happens if you cross Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Phillip?
You die in a car accident in Paris.

What’s the difference?
What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.

Occasionally I jerk it half to death…
…and half to the grieving families.

Judging how much your mother called me Daddy
I might as well be your father

My friend losr his job making calendars.
He took to many days off.

What did Johnny Cage say when he found out his motorcycle was stolen?
Motor, come back!

Which bear is the most condescending?
A pan-duh!

What do you call—
A phone number.

Where does the Lightning McQueen and Sally have sex?
In a bed-Vroom