Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...I met the inventor of the windowsill the other day
What a ledge
(Can’t take credit for it just heard it on the radio)
Why are there no bullet trains in America?
We can’t build guns big enough for them.
What’s the difference between hungry and horny?
Where the cucumber goes.
What time was the emergency dental appointment?
Tooth hurty. Everyone knows that. But what time was the Irishman’s appointment with the gastroenterologist?
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
2:40. Get it?
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
(Too farty)
I asked my North Korean friend how it was there.
He said he couldn’t complain.
There once was a man from Conde
He awoke one morning with a yarn
He got out of bed
to a nice long bath
And from his penthouse he went beyond….
(I’m sorry, I tried really hard with beyond but rhyming with it is a b$tbh and a half)
What do you get if you paint a pink pig mint-green?
A pigmint of your imagination.
What do you call the female version of SMH (Shaking My Head)?
SMT - Shaking My Tits.
An alcoholic priest and a fornicating nun were having a lively conversation as they walked into a bar.
The rabbi behind them saw it in time to duck.
Garden of Eden
So after God created Adam he spent a lot of time by himself in the garden, and became bored and lonely.
God noticed Adam seemed a little down so he asked what was wrong. Adam told him he was lonely and that he could use some company. God told Adam he could create the perfect companion for him, she would see to his every need, service him wherever and whenever he wanted, provide for him, cook for him, listen to him and never be a burden. Adam was excited, “that sounds great God, what is that going to cost me??” God replied, an arm and a leg…… Adam scratched his chin and thought about it deeply for a long while, and then said, “what can I get for a rib?”
When I was a kid, I once stayed up all night to see where the sun went
Then it dawned on me