Things better not said - our best

Why do Husbands die before their Wives?
Because they want to.

I buy all my guns from a guy called T-Rex
He is a small arms dealer

Son: Dad I got my hands on these new shoes
Dad: How many times I have told you, they go on your feet!!

How do you find an IP address?
Just follow Ip Man home.

U.S. Government: “Wanna hear a joke?”
Womens rights

"dad can I go bungee jumping?"
"No son, your life started because of a broken rubber, it should not end by one too"

Why are bees so well respected in nature?
Because they all know how to bee hive

So I recently bought an electric car, really like it, but I couldn’t help to notice a terrible smell when I get inside.
Until I remembered every time I drive it, I pass gas.

People often say life is full of lessons, I disagree.......
I find it to be full of morons

i had to stop my father the second time he accused me of being obsessed with Madonna
Papa don´t preach, i said

Britain just checkmated the world...
With Queen to G7.

What do you call a bad russian magician?
A blyatician

Size of matter in descending order.
Molecule > Atom > Proton > Quark > x on a mobile ad