Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...How does a non-Binary Samurai attack their foe?
They slash them (they/them)
I should really think about becoming a tightrope walker
Even the bank says my balance is outstanding!
Decisions
I always take the best decisions, while my wife does the opposite, you give her 3 choices and she will always choose the worst option.
However she never tends to agree with this so I always have to remember her: i chose her, which is the best decision ever; on the other hand, her option was i.
why are all dogs religious fanatics
because they are very dogmatic about scripture.
Math
I refer to my ex as the human math book… because she has so many fucking problems.
What do you call it when you have rainbow colored diarrhea in an airplane bathroom?
Flying with passed colors
I asked my boss for a raise.
He picked me up.
I sued the company and won a sexual harassment lawsuit.
It was a one time bonus.
I tried to take up Motorsport, but had to prove my car could run on meat juices
It was for a Stock Car race.
My Dad told me that he was a horny teenager 18 years ago
My mom wished me Happy 18th birthday
Pink kryptonite turns Superman gay. What does Thor use?
The Bi-frost.
My 14 year old just came in and told me this one, said he made it up himself. I was impressed.