Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...Ladies! I finally found a place where you can get big discounts on clothes!
Here in my room. They’re 100% off.
A joke my Uncle tells. Makes me laugh every time..
Somewhere deep down south a man dials 9-1-1..
Operator: “Emergency services. Is there a problem?”
Man: “Hi, uhh ya. I jus’ came home and I foun’ my wife lyin’ dead on tha floor.”
Operator: “I am so sorry to hear that sir. How would you like us to assist you?”
Man: “Yea, uhh. I’d like yew to come an’ pick ‘er up.”
Operator: “I’ll send someone right over. Can you inform me of the address?”
Man: “ Yea, I live a’ 103 Alemeter Drive.”
Operator: “Okay, and can you spell that for me?”
Man: “Uh-huh. It’s A-L-A… wait, A-L-E.. nah that’s can’t be right… A-L… uhhh.”
Man: “Hell, I’ll drag ‘er ova ta oak street an’ yew can pick ‘er up there!”
My wife said she wanted to give me a three-way for my birthday.
I asked, "What are their names?"
Why do you need to know gymnastics to invade Russia?
Because you need to be able to make a summerassult.
Money
If money is the root of all evil, why do they ask for it at church ?
I was lost in a forest, trying to find my way out using a compass.
After 2 hours, I realized I was going in circles.
After 3 hours, I realized I was using the wrong type of compass...
Putin Joke
^([credit to) u/truscottwc^(])
Putin dies and goes to hell, but after a while, he is given a day off for good behavior.
So he goes to Moscow, enters a bar, orders a drink, and asks the bartender:
-Is Crimea ours?
-Yes, it is.
-And the Donbas?
-Also ours.
-And Kyiv?
-We got that too.
Satisfied, Putin drinks, and asks:
-Thanks, how much do I owe you?
-5 euros.
Physical Science founder Issac Newton turned to Theology in his later years. Though his favorite book in the bible was ...
Numbers.