Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...I think my neighbour is stalking me. I caught her Googling my name. At least I think she was...
The focus on my telescope is a little shaky.
My dad divorced my mom after the paternity test results
For reasons that aren’t apparent to me
A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer are arrested and are to be executed by the electric chair
First, they strap the physicist and pull the lever and nothing happens. Thinking its a sign from God, the physicist is set free.
Then, they strap in the mathematician and pull the lever and again, nothing happens. Thinking its a sign from God, they release the mathematician.
Finally, they bring in the engineer and strap him in. As they were going to pull the lever, the engineer suddenly exclaimed, "Wait! The chair is not plugged in!"
A guy and I recently went against each other in a knot competition...
It was hard fought battle but in the end it ended in a tie
A CIA Agent, KGB spy and AISE operative were sent to infiltrate a terrorist cell.
The terrorists figured out the three were infiltrators and thus captured them.
The terrorists decided to torture the three infiltrators. They started with the CIA agent.
“Do not worry, for I have been trained in the United State’s most insidious enhanced interrogation techniques and how to resist them.”
They heard the agent crying for around 10 minutes before he was tossed back in the cell, bloodied and bruised.
“I failed. I told them everything I knew.”
Next, the terrorists came for the KGB spy.
“Comrades, there is nothing to fear. For our glorious cause, I have survived in the most dangerous areas of the Motherland, and will not fail!”
Once again, screams reached the cell. But the KGB agent lasted only 30 minutes. Afterwards, he was tossed back in the cell with several broken bones.
“Comrades, I am ashamed to admit that I have betrayed the glorious Motherland and divulged all manners of secrets.”
Finally, the terrorists came for the AISE operative. With his head resigned, knowing that members of the two greatest spy agencies failed, he was unsure as to how he would survive.
The torture started. Screams concern again echoed within the cell. But they didn’t soon cease. 10 minutes passed, then a half hour, then hours. Throughout that night, the torture continued.
It went on for an entire week, but it didn’t seem that the AISE operative would break. When the week was up, the terrorists tossed a very broken man back in the cell.
The KGB and CIA agents were surprised.
“How did you last so long?”
Through a mouth of broken teeth and blood, the AISE operative replied.
“I tried to tell them everything, but my hands were tied.”
BTW: AISE is the Italian foreign intelligence agency
Why is LGBTQ+ month in June and not September?
Because pride comes before the fall.
(Bad joke, I know)
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather - peacefully in his sleep.
Not screaming and crying like the passengers in his car.
Where is an exhibitionist’s favorite place to hang out?
The STRIP mall!