Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...In a few minutes, a hypnotist convinced me that I’m a metal with atomic number 82.
Turns out I’m ….easily lead.
If humans are made up of water, then stepping on and walking over people...
makes you 60% Jesus.
My doctor told me that his research on intestinal flora could be close to curing depression, but that they were missing samples.
And I gotta tell you; for the first time in my life, I actually gave a shit.
If I had a dollar for every gender…
I would have 2 dollars and a bunch of monopoly money.
The color palette of most public restrooms in public beaches and forests is on the depressing earth-tones and brown side…
…I mean, shit.
What does the dumb lactose intolerant say?
“I think all cheese is Gouda”
Inside every man there are two ancient Greeks
A Spartan warrior and an Athenian femboy
"I love you," I said. "Do you love me too?"
"Yes," my wife replied. "On a scale of 1-10 that sounds about right."
Doc : I have some bad news and some good news.
Doc : I have some bad news and some good news.
Me : Okay, give me the bad news.
Doc: Well it’s all how you regard something like this, but you show very definite signs of homosexuality.
Me: Oh, come on. What in the world is the good news?
Doc: The good news is I think you’re cute.