Things better not said - our best
... Jokes ...They say Giving birth is the most painful thing a human can witness but I’m now 100% sure taking a dump is
I’m Dead
What do you do if you meet a bodybuilder at a junction?
Give him the right of whey
After me, my wife, and my son all passed gas, I realized we are like English royalty
We are just tooters instead of Tudors
My girlfriend thinks I stole her phone charger. She can only find the cord.
I told her I won’t stand for these baseless accusations.
Why does Jimmy eat his Oreos with water?
Cuz his dad never came back with the milk
My premature ejaculation problem started when my other half dressed up as a superhero
Before I knew it I came in a Flash
What school does Harry Styles go to?
I don’t know but what i do know is his career path only took him in one direction
After the priest performed a successful exorcism, Karen refused to pay the fee
The priest then had her repossessed.
I am Livid.
I ordered a silver cigarette case for my brother online.
But when it arrived someone had engraved the word "CUNT" on the back of it, I was livid.
I distinctly asked for it on the front.
How to be nice
Two Marines boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston.
One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat.
Just before take-off, an Army soldier got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Marines.
The Soldier kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Marine in the window seat said, “I think I’ll get up and get a coke.”
“No problem,” said the Soldier, “I’ll get it for you.”
While he was gone, the Marine picked up the Soldier’s shoe and spit in it.
When the Soldier returned with the coke, the Marine in the middle seat said, “That looks good, I think I’ll have one too.”
Again, the Soldier obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Marine picked up the soldier’s other shoe and spit in it.
The Soldier returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the rest of the short flight to Houston.
As the plane was landing, the Soldier slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
- “How long must this go on?” the Soldier asked.
- “This fighting between our services?
- "This hatred?"
- "This animosity?"
- "This spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?”