Things better not said - our best

What kind of haircut does a Native American barber give?
Just a little off the top

What’s the difference between an American girl and an Iranian girl?
The American girl gets stoned before sex.

Do you folks know any gay jokes?
I tried to remember one, but fuck it.

i went to an ED convention in the Forrest
There was nothing but softwood.

I bought Michael Jackson’s limbo bar at an auction, but I don’t know what to do with it.
It’s too high to get over, too low to get under. (You added your own yeah-yeahs, didn’t you?)

Someone asked me to describe myself in 4 words
I said "bad at counting"

What did the nerdy flirtatious doctor say to Audrey Hepburn?
Your ward-robe is sexy

Went back to work
I went back to work in the music industry after the pandemic. My manager asked what I had done during my time off. "I wrote songs." He replied "That tracks."

y’all ever heard any monorail jokes?
i hear they make good one-liners.

My wife said that I always treat my kid unfairly.
I don’t even know which one she means, Tommy, Tina or the fat ugly one.

The sane appear as strange to the mad
as the mad to the sane.

I meet these genie.
He ask who was the person I dislike the most. i told him my mother-in-law. He explained that I get three wishes but what ever I get my mother in law gets double whatever I wish for 1st wish I ask for 1 fancy mansion. My mother-in-law gets two fancy mansions My second wish I ask for $10 billion dollars. My mother in law got $20 billion dollars My last wish. I ask the genie to beat me half too death.

Why did the sperm cross the road
Because I came in a chicken